Feb 08 2008
The Baby and the Hitman
I had recently moved from Chicago to the bucolic community of Woodlake Ct. This story was excerpted from a letter I had written to a friend back home.
Hey Bob, you’re going to love this. I am currently working on two illustrations, Intruder in the Wind and Bounty Hunter Blues. For Intruder, I needed a couple models, a crazy militia type dressed in camo gear and a baby. The most difficult one to get was of course the baby. Now as you know I’ve only lived in Woodbury a few months. This is not NYC and I don’t have an extensive model file here and as always I’m under a deadline, so, in a panic.
I’ve called everyone I know for leads on a baby three to four months old. It didn’t take to long to figure out I was on my own with this one. I asked the girls at the art supply store and at the Woodlake office, I even asked the woman who cleaned my rug if she knew of any cute babies.
After having no luck for several days I found myself at an outdoor fair. A Taste of Woodbury, that featured antiques, roast beef sandwiches and a collection of classic cars. As I wondered through the fair it dawned on me, “Gee there are lots of mothers with babies here.”
For women or couples you can go around staring at babies all you like. But a single guy, your going to get yourself noticed. Moms and dads really have their antennas out for suspicious people.
There I was. Surreptitiously trying to glance at the babies in their strollers and in their mother’s arms. Trying to decide if they were cute, too fat, or just plug ugly. A few times I walked up to the moms and asked them how old their babies were, standing there, using the time to get a better look at the little buggers, feeling stupid and uncomfortable. There had been one that I had seen a couple of times that I thought might be acceptable. I kept trying to get a better look, but I really didn’t want to get arrested. I decided that the direct approach was going to be the most credible.
I introduced myself trying my best to seem professional and disarmingly charming. I know that was a stretch but I was desperate. After telling them where I lived and given them my phone number and who the publisher was and what the story was about and offering $100 for an hours work. They decided to put away their misgiving and we made an appointment for four the next day. But my day was hardly done I had scheduled a photo shoot for 4:00 and that was just a couple of hours away.
One of the props I needed for the shoot was a gun. Realism is always best, so I had arranged to borrow one from a friend who was a collector.
Lee my model arrived on time and we got right down to business. I had the lights set up and a black backdrop. After a while I decided that I was going to take advantage of the natural light so we moved outside to the back porch. Lee was posed with his back to the house as if standing guard.
While we were shooting I had forgot that I was boiling water for coffee until I heard the shrill scream of my teakettle. What I didn’t know was that I had visitors and that’s what they heard as well. Wood lake as the name suggests was a development build in a wood on rolling hills overlooking the Lake. The condo I was living in was set on sloping land with a steep muddy path that winds around the house to the back porch. Apparently while I was running upstairs to turn off the boiling water the father of the baby I was scheduled to shoot the next day was knocking at my door. While I was upstairs he was making his way around to the back porch to see if any body was home.
What he found of course was a strange guy wearing my Miami Vice jacket holding a 45 caliber semi-automatic hand gun trying to look like a hit man. Now I wasn’t there, but I would have given anything to see the look on his face. After all he was checking me out to see if I was legit. It must have been in one moment the culmination of all of his worst fears. When I came down the two of them were frozen in a puzzled tableau. The baby’s father had the face of a deer staring into the headlight of an oncoming car. He struggled to regain his composure and explained his visit. I did my best to assuage his fears and regain my flagging credibility.
I dragged him into the basement studio just off my porch and desperately pointed to the drawing board, art supplies, and photography equipment scattered about the room. I got a brilliant Idea. I looked around the room and for a book cover I’d worked on. With a feeling of triumph I leafed through the book to find the credits. I shoved it under his nose, see, I did that see…. There’s my name David Loew. But it wasn’t there, someone else’s name was. The book cover had somehow been credited to another artist.
He had the look of someone trapped in a conversation with a devil worshipper.
I got a call a couple hours after he left. It seems he had decided to take a pass at the wonderful opportunity of having his daughter grace the cover of a mystery novel. Apparently he had come to the conclusion that I was speaking a little to literally when I told him I wanted to shoot his daughter.
The story did have a happy ending because Lee my hit man had a friend, who had a perfectly lovely baby, available the very next day. So that’s my story of the baby and the hit man, hope you liked it.








